Finding Your Voice
Many of us have awakened from that classic nightmare where something really terrifying happens, like falling or being trapped. You know what’s coming next. And you scream from the depths of your being. Only nothing comes out of your mouth. It’s a silent scream like the famous Munch painting. It is at this point in our dream where we usually wake up and realize—phew, that was not real. By the time you are sipping your java, your nightmare is a distant memory.
In my psychotherapy practice, I have witnessed the intense desire for people to have a voice. People want to express how they feel and, most importantly, be heard. It’s really a necessity for our development, growth and feeling that we matter. Possessing a voice is essential to our self worth. The origin of our silence is usually rooted in our childhood muck where the adults in our lives did not allow it or did not validate us for it. We got the message loud and clear that it was not acceptable to express ourselves. People describe themselves as the good child who did not rock the boat. Keeping quiet can be a survival mechanism. We do whatever we can to stay afloat in our family system. Then we grow up and we don’t have the tools to use this voice of ours. But we know it is there deep down inside of us, waiting to be skillfully released, to be a leader of our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Our voice provides both woofer and tweeter for the soundtrack to our being. Without it, we may feel rudderless and powerless.
The wonderful thing is that it is never too late to find our voice.
Here are seven ways to begin:
1. Reflect on your needs, wants and feelings. Get up close and personal. Jot them down. Read them out loud. Repeat.
2. Pinpoint how your history has been a roadblock for you. Perhaps you had a critical parent and that is the voice in your head. Discover how that is getting in the way.
3. Challenge that voice. Kiss the good girl or silent boy goodbye, welcome the grown up and invite him or her to join you at the table.
4. Think about someone you admire who possesses a strong voice in their life. Incorporate some of the things you like in to your own repertoire. Emulate them.
5. Cultivate things that make you feel good and build your self-confidence. Do one of those things each and every day.
6. Give yourself permission to express your feelings and thoughts. Befriend them.
7. Inhabit the voice you want to express. Own it. Be it.
By growing self-love, confidence, and respect, your voice will strengthen. It needs to be nurtured. Experiment, try different things on for size and practice until it feels like a natural part of you. Because it really is a part of you. Your voice has been there all along waiting to be unleashed. Now you can give it wings so that it can soar out of you. The next time you have one of those scary dreams and you open your mouth to scream, sound will bound out of you with strength,force and confidence.
